When you lead people, there will be times when you have difficult conversations with employees. To make these conversations successful with both party’s emotions intact, here are four tips for having difficult conversations.
Tip 1. Don’t enter the conversation in an emotional state
We’ve all heard the advice to count to ten before answering when upset. There is a reason for that. Counting to ten helps you calm down and control your emotions.
When you are planning on having a difficult conversation with someone that you lead, it’s important not to enter the conversation in the wrong mindset. Remember, conversations should be 50-50. Point out areas where they can improve, but it’s about the other person as much as it is you.
Try to come from a place of humility and service when having a tough conversation. When you react in the moment, you might say something that you regret, and your message won’t be heard because they are reacting to your response.
Tip 2. Have a plan
What is the outcome you desire from the conversation? Are there actions that you would like them to take? Are there improvements that you would like them to make? How do you want to make them feel at the end of the conversation? How do you want to feel at the end of the conversation?
Planning will allow you to make sure you cover the relevant points. If you have a conversation without a plan, conversation loops open that never close. They might be out of your office before you realize, “I forgot to cover x,y,z.”
Tip 3. Don’t demand
Instead of saying “I’ve heard, you have been doing X, instead I need you to do Y” use a more problem-solving approach. When you say I saw X now do Y, that is only taking your perspective into account. It isn’t a conversation, it’s a directive.
Try something like, “I noticed you are doing X. Can we talk about some ways that we can move to Y?” Then stop and listen. Let them brainstorm ways to get to Y activity. Work through the solutions together. They will appreciate the opportunity to develop their path to success.
If it is safety or regulations that must be followed, then remind them of the importance of following the procedure for their safety. Assume they forgot or don’t know to begin with.
Tip 4. Have empathy and expectations
Communicate with empathy. You don’t know what they are facing in their personal life outside of work. Maybe they have to take care of sick relatives. Maybe their spouse just lost a job. Maybe they are a new parent and aren’t getting much sleep at night. Come from a place of service and humility.
Set expectations even when communicating with empathy. Empathy doesn’t mean you communicate without expectations of change. Hopefully, you have planned, let them develop their solution and you can set expectations for success.
I believe that if you follow these four tips for having difficult conversations, your tough conversations will go much better!
As always, it is an honor to serve you and I hope that you and your company are getting better every day!
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